Mr. Gay Pride: The Blog

Gay men have all the pathological behaviors of the larger society, along with their own pathological states. For those who fully, and even joyfully, accept their homosexual nature, the homosexual component may not be obvious, and thus may not be seen as significant. Is it? Maybe. Maybe not.
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I present, below, two points of view expressed lovingly but firmly by two gay men to a third. One of the men commenting (the one who is, how shall I put it? — less rigorous as to grammar and punctuation) managed to lose over 200 pounds after he had had enuf, and decided he didn't want to waddle his way to the grave. I am the other, and it is my hostile comment to an exchange about extraordinarily grotesque behavior in a news report (face-eating!) by someone under the influence of drugs that starts off this exchange.

NO, [marijuana may not cause such monstrous behavior, but] pot is destructive in its own way. Joe, you are a very intelligent man whose life has been RUINED by pot, and I'm distressed that you refuse to recognize that your life could have been so much MORE, had it not been for pot. You have recently said that you feel your life is over, when you are only in your mid-40s. Don't you hear the pot talking? Is it possible to organize an online intervention?
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I know that a lot of young — very young — people hate the word "brite", or any equivalent, when it is leveled against them for not performing at what others regard as their peak. But you must not react that way. You ARE a very intelligent man who has let terrible things happen to him, in part due to pot, in pot — part — perhaps due to other influences, be it parents fiting or drinking or whatever — we have never discussed any other bad influence on your early life's course. You MUST know that I'm not disrespecting you when I say that you have allowed terrible things to distract you from a life of contribution to yourself and society. I'm not joking nor being disingenuous here. You have a distinctive voice. You know that. What you don't know, and none of us knows, is whether your insightfulness from your own premises could have, in the past, or could now and into the future, have made/make a difference in society's course. One person CAN make a difference, if what he sees, and says, resounds with others. You are unlikely to leave children in this world. You might, however, leave understandings, from different premises, that other people do not offer the planet. I am very serious. But you cannot offer such understandings if you are still under the influence of chemical forces that have to date ROBBED you of initiative and fuzzed your intellectual output. You have, at various times, thought you should tone down or stop your use of marijuana, but you have not followed thru, because you have permitted a chemical dependency and a habitual behavior to smash your best intentions.
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You know that your pot use, and your weight, are not good for you. But you have almost consciously chosen to pretend that neither is injurious, even tho you know that BOTH are. Which is stronger? Your fine mind, or your venal weakness in confronting pot and food? You do have a better nature. You have heard it, you have half-heartedly tried to heed it. Not good enuf. Smart MEN — you are no longer a boy, and haven't been for a long time — make smart choices, even if they be hard choices, and follow thru, no matter how tempting it may be to cave to their weaker nature. You are an exceptional human being who does not for an instant believe that, tho you SHOULD — no, MUST. Nobody knows how much you can contribute to the world, because you refuse to believe you can contribute anything. I, however, have a much more sanguine view of you. And I'm not an idiot, so you should trust in my evaluation of your mind and your potential. I am not a guidance counselor trying to sell you a bill of goods. I have encountered THOUSANDS of people in my life. I have created lasting bonds with only a very few. You are among those few, for very good reason. You need to value you as much as I value you, and STOP your self-destructive behavior. STOP smoking pot. STOP overeating. Lose the weight, find other ways to cope with the neuropathy in your legs. BE who you are. Stop devaluing yourself. You do have things to offer, esp. to people who have permitted themselves to ruin their lives with chemicals, but not ONLY such people. Has pot ever given you insight of any kind, in any regard? Do you justify using pot in some such mystical way?
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I am distressed by what you have to date done to yourself and your life. The world is not so rich in intelligence and insight as to throw away what is readily to be offered by people of unusual intelligence and perspective. Perhaps your role in life is to take what little is offered by pot and apply it to life generally. Perhaps it is to confess that pot offers NOTHING in the way of insight into oneself, into life, into the divine, and thus to EXPLODE the absurd rationalizations that some people throw up to justify a life of uselessness. Don't be useless. You really are too good for that, and you KNOW that I'm not "just sayin'" [an expresssion "Joey" tends to use].

Now, a mutual friend adds his voice in what we hope might amount to an email "intervention".

Joey,

There is a lot of TRUTH to what Craig has said here.

I have seen you STOP before with both POT and WEIGHT.

You have done it been successful and have fallen back like the rest of us so many times.

However, the important thing is to get back up and try again-seriously-even at a later age-everyone likes a good comeback-and you don't need a lot of money or anything else-jsut some SMARTS whcih you have-some conviction--staying power and some support.

I think I have tried to support you in the past on some things but probably have come on too strong-but I was trying to get you to try some of the things to help you.

I still think you can do it-seriously.

It takes discipline-but I think if you chip away at it it deff. could be DONE!

I have been trying now to lift weights for like 2years-I have done it on and off on and off not lasted more than few weeks-then the littlest excuse makes me fall-pathetic-and I was recently in a slump for a few months-but now I am kinda motivated again-dusted off some of the equipment and will start up again slowly.

I think you can deff.do the same with WHATEVER you want to conquer-just do it-start it-start small-inch up to it.

But I would say never give up and just don't give up cold turkey!!

You know we have had some famous spirals-but lets get rid of these spirals its too much bullshit in life we both deserve better.

So, I would strongly encourage you to heed some of if not all of Craigs words and just start something for yourself-even if its a little bit each day-to make some progress-and I know its hard-come on now I have been trying since you know me 10Jul1995. And I am still not there!

Time for change - seriously

I think you need to re-think the tightening of the Band again and get that started.

Its just a mind game-the pills will go down. And you know how to cook too! So that's an even bigger help to yourself.

It's 2012 time for a BIG Change.

If I can do anything to help in the way of advice-but I really think-you can do it on your own and know what to do-let me know.

Then that Daddy-type guy you alwasy talked about can come into your life and that would be kewl!

You just got to make things happen because as you know, besides family, there ain't no one else in this fukd up world that's going to really help.

I would list the "SPIRALS" out on a sheet of paper and just put a start date on them of when your going to stop/conquer them.

I do small things every day and they add up even if it cleaning out a friggen draw or something

START TODAY with something small.

Good luck.

Will "Joey" heed these deeply felt counsels from friends who risked their friendship to talk frankly to him? That remains to be seen. But the two of us were willing to lose a friendship of importance to us to help a man we felt was wasting his life away.